Black Dogs

I’ve acquired an odd & generally bad mood, sort of listless, mentally fragile & lacking enthusiasm for… well, anything. I put this down to a combination of things including arranging the life-insurance policies for the mortgage (admitting the possibility of death etc is always guaranteed to get me down), coupled with me being alone for 4 days a week, generally being stressed about the house-move and having no-one around to talk to.

 

You would have thought that other activities would grab my attention, but this doesn’t seem to be the case. I cant spare the concentration to read, to watch TV, play on DoW or on the PS2, shop, clean the place or even be bothered to go to last nights Dutch course. What makes it worse is that I suppose that I should feel guilty / upset / shamed / concerned about this state of affairs, but I’m not. If anything, I seem to be emotionally blank & find myself spending a lot of time listening to music & listlessly trawling the web for… something.

 

Inspiration, possibly.

 

The mood grabbed me on Saturday last and I’ve been labouring under it ever since, more or less, I just feel… I don’t know. Pressured? Stressed out? Close to tears? Angry & impatient with every little thing? These are symptoms, but I cant seem to find the cause.

 

Work, fortunately, continues to be relatively bedlamic & it at least involves me, but at the same time, I would like to snap out of the mood & return to the real world again. Please.

 

The only thing that I seem to have any mental time for is the idea of taking up German again. I found out the other day that the Goethe Institute in Amsterdam runs courses & – frankly – I hear about an hours German a day, not to mention random German TV I happen to watch. So, I don’t know. Maybe. Perhaps. Who know? Its got to be more rewarding than feeling this way, but it does seem fairly skewed.

 

Also, I am, going to get a portable electronic gadget to allow me to listen to music / the radio on my anticipated commute between work & Hilversum. I’d like to bring in a lot of the music files I’ve got at home (windows media files, I believe), but any ideas as to which system would be most suited to me? My knowledge about this is effectively zero.

 

Suggestions?

 

S