![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
After the storm
Oct. 4th, 2009 05:54 pmWe're now back home after what seems to be either a decade, or a few minutes; C is, fortunately up and about and is in astonishingly good form - having my parents, as well as C's mother here, has been a great help & a source of immense support.
Whilst nothing can take away the pain, comfort - if any exists - is in knowing that we did our best. We did all the procedures that we could, we tried everything and, when everything looked impossible, we gave the surgeons permission to try something else. Yes, she didn't make it, but there was nothing that could be done. Simply put, she was born too early for medical science to save her.
As such, we have given permision to the doctors and medical staff to do whatever tests or procedures they can, in order to learn as much as possible - both about Katies condition & also other procedures that might be of use. Already she has helped to pioneer a new MRI scan technique and we hope that this is the first of many breakthroughs that can be attributed to our beautiful daughter.
As a result of this, we are not going to have access to her body for some time yet - the doctors will use her now unneeded flesh for several weeks, and then she will be cremated. Following this, there will be a rememberance service in Dewsbury Minster in about 6 to 8 weeks time.
We are, of course, tired beyond words, upset and trying desperately to remember what it was like to be happy - but we also feel as though a weight has been lifted. We knew of Katies condition about 6 months ago, and have spent that time going through the grieving process. Now that it is over, the pain is much, much worse that anything we could have imagined - but her death - long a possibility - is fact. We can start to heal, and, in due time, we will recover and rebuild our lives.
We are also glad at the mercy that has been shown us; not only did we get 30 beautiful hours with her, we were also faced with no challenging moral dilemmas. Her condition was such that it was impossible, pure and simple, to save her; aside from the badly developed chamber (normal in hypoplastic left heart syndrome), one of the other chambers was completely wrong - it should have been a muscular sack, to pump the blood around - instead, it was a maze of honeycombed pipes, each smaller than a hair, packed into a space no larger than a pea. There was nothing that could be done.
It is right to grieve, but we should not wallow in misery. The pain will fade in time as the wounds heal.
Then we move on, and eventually we will learn to smile again.
S
Whilst nothing can take away the pain, comfort - if any exists - is in knowing that we did our best. We did all the procedures that we could, we tried everything and, when everything looked impossible, we gave the surgeons permission to try something else. Yes, she didn't make it, but there was nothing that could be done. Simply put, she was born too early for medical science to save her.
As such, we have given permision to the doctors and medical staff to do whatever tests or procedures they can, in order to learn as much as possible - both about Katies condition & also other procedures that might be of use. Already she has helped to pioneer a new MRI scan technique and we hope that this is the first of many breakthroughs that can be attributed to our beautiful daughter.
As a result of this, we are not going to have access to her body for some time yet - the doctors will use her now unneeded flesh for several weeks, and then she will be cremated. Following this, there will be a rememberance service in Dewsbury Minster in about 6 to 8 weeks time.
We are, of course, tired beyond words, upset and trying desperately to remember what it was like to be happy - but we also feel as though a weight has been lifted. We knew of Katies condition about 6 months ago, and have spent that time going through the grieving process. Now that it is over, the pain is much, much worse that anything we could have imagined - but her death - long a possibility - is fact. We can start to heal, and, in due time, we will recover and rebuild our lives.
We are also glad at the mercy that has been shown us; not only did we get 30 beautiful hours with her, we were also faced with no challenging moral dilemmas. Her condition was such that it was impossible, pure and simple, to save her; aside from the badly developed chamber (normal in hypoplastic left heart syndrome), one of the other chambers was completely wrong - it should have been a muscular sack, to pump the blood around - instead, it was a maze of honeycombed pipes, each smaller than a hair, packed into a space no larger than a pea. There was nothing that could be done.
It is right to grieve, but we should not wallow in misery. The pain will fade in time as the wounds heal.
Then we move on, and eventually we will learn to smile again.
S