Thoughts and things...

C has just sorted out a string of baby-related appointments for the coming few weeks, and, when I heard what she’d arranged, I freaked out. Completely, full blown, practically burst into tears at work freaked out.

 

You see, we have to get the Nucal Fold scan done in the next 2 weeks – this is where they check for Downs Syndrome - and the place we have to go to is the clinic where they first diagnosed Katies heart condition.

 

I hate that building. I mean, really, truly hate it. Even before we had the scan results, I disliked it. It was forbidding, cold and difficult to get to and I will never, ever forget the walk home after the last time I was there.

 

I know that the scan result was not the buildings fault, and I know that – statistically – there is a very low chance that fiver will have Downs (C’s age makes this unlikely, albeit not impossible – or, to put it another way, we are more than twice as likely to have a child with a deformed heart), but I cant shake the feeling that because I’m going back there for an ‘important’ scan, its going to go wrong again. The last time they looked to find problems, they found them and I cant help but feel that returning there is just asking for an extra portion of misery.

 

I am only going back to that building on sufferance because the alternatives are verging on the utterly impracticable.

 

Also, again, I’m going to disable comments to this post for a variety of reasons, mainly because every time I’ve posted something along the lines of ‘I’m really worried’ and people have posted ‘it’ll be fine’ etc (and quite rightly too) –its gone wrong again. So I’m just not going to tempt fate. Apologies if this upsets people because I genuinely don’t want to ignore all the wonderful support people have provided, but in this last year random superstitions have been, pretty much, all I’ve been able to survive on.

 

S